rabia

...and they tried to cure solitude.


i'm still thinking about this.


"Brothers, my peace is in my aloneness.My Beloved is alone with me there, always.I have found nothing in all the worldsThat could match His love,This love that harrows the sands of my desert."

confessionals always end up mythologizing. i think that idea is solidifying as a truth for me.

too much of anything can't be healthy; including solitude.?

prozac nation

the book is much much better than the little independent film. they didn't capture any of the glamorization or mythologizing components so well threaded throughout a life so taken over by the persistence of pain and abject misery as the book does.
and what better way to revision life and conquer future obstacles.

interview with mr. dylan about the visual arts and his painting

"...other than the world we know."

animation show highlights

1. Jan Svankmajer - dimensions of dialogue

2. lotte reiniger - the adventures of prince achmed

3. wan brothers - princess iron fan

4. max fleisher - betty boop

5. lumiere brothers - serpentine dance

New romanticism -- metamodernism

Love this idea -- though it's a little like being bi-polar.
Ha. I understand it quite easily at a superficial level and
look forward to studying it more... I happily feel my own
ideas fall Into this...would like to explore it more.
There is an accompanying sense of renewal and hope.

barnett newman's voice of fire

This is the first painting i saw [up close, 'live'] that made a huge impact on me. a school trip when i was 15 to the national gallery. A very controversial painting because of it's cost - 1.8 million spent - and it's misunderstood simplicity.

i don't think this is frivolous spending. the museum educator taught us how to look at it, and i was really overwhelmed by the experience. i lingered on after everyone else moved to the next section of the museum, and i just stared it, actually able to see the "fire" erupting in the middle stripe of the painting, because of the complimentary colour and size used in the adjacent stripes. it is possible that it might have scientific explanations -- something that i happened to come across a few years later.

in my head, like my second painting of the beginning of the more serious painting

it's good when your art makes people uneasy. when critics have a hard time with it.
especially when they hate it.
is that right?
so does that mean you're avant-garde or just mediocre/bad ?
if you were mediocre, they wouldn't care enough to hate it. is that right?
should i just keep playing into the fantasy in my head?
because that is what i like to do most.
maybe that's my real motivation for doing anything worthwhile.


and so you just keep going, and keep doing it, because you have to. and in posterity might one find out, and not necessarily you, if it meant anything or if it was just an occupation of your time to disappear and fall to waste.

my next project is to work on this gigantic canvas that i've had for awhile. will probably be working on it through the winter to the spring until my trip abroad, finally.and it feels so cozy and beautiful thinking about it; like it's exactly what i should be doing, and couldn't be spending my time doing anything better.
and it's a beautiful, beautiful sweet subject that i will probably love looking at.