i know you want to hide all the time, but that just didn't work out

"zeeny, eclecticism, hybridity. the optimism of those ideas! the certainty on which they rested: of will, of choice! but zeeny mine, life just happens to you: like an accident. No: it happens to you as a result of your condition. Not choice, but - at best - process, and, at worst, shocking, total change. Newness: he had sought a different kind, but this was what he got."